A headache like this can only mean "Happy New Year"

Mucho apologeticos to all the bros and sweet lovin ladies who’ve had to read that Privates post for nigh onto three weeks. Sure Tay’s been on vacation, but shit! According to the archives, Tay’s been on vacation since February thirteenth of last year! I only feel bad about being out of touch because of my well-known personal crusade to wipe out carpal tunnel syndrome in the southeastern United States. (Let Bono deal with AIDS in Africa. I say take a look in the mirror and make that change, man. Whose dog's digging in your own backyard?) I hate to think that you guys have been typing “taytyme.blogspot.com” into your browser windows over and over again only to find the same old same old for days on end. It pains me to picture you clicking relentlessly on the comments links, hoping against hope that something new will appear if you just keep trying. “Christamighty, at least give me some spam,” I hear you cry. I don’t want you wearing out your wrists and mouses (mice?) on taytyme for nothing, you know? What’s the lifetime of a mouse, anyway? Like probably 400,000 clicks is my guess. Look, if your mouse wore out in the past week, just drop me a line and we’ll rectify that shit. No new mouse or anything, but I bet I can get you a mustache ride from the Snuggler once he gets that thing up and running again.

Here’s what we’ll do. Instead of bringing you up to date with a drawn-out Larry J. Slimfast-ish post, I’ll get with you every couple of days and by the tyme our one-year anniversary together rolls around at the end of the month, we’ll be back on the same page. See you at work, babies!