Movey Nyte, 2006

Whoa!...klahoma, where the wind comes sweepin down the plains! Hey everybody, howdy do! Damn if Tay didn't sleep all day! Man, I saw the second half of Troy The Movie last night. And also some of Roadhouse (another movie). Hmmm, very eerily interchangable stories. By interchangable I mean the sex, and by eerie I mean that I saw a lotta naked gentlemanly bottoms last night. I guess one of the awesome things about doin' it is that you don't hardly ever end up looking at a dude's butt, unless you are a man-lover (hey dude, that's cool) or you fornicate inbetween two mirrors. Damn. Then you'd see, like, infinity butts. Half of them would be killer, but half of them would make you go, "shit, I look funny naked." And she might be all like, "what's up?" And you'd go, "nothing." And she'd be like, "what are you looking at," and then you'd say, "my butt." (Because you value honesty and communication in a relationship.) And she'd be like, "you are a narcissist." And you'd go, "No baby, I'm mother-fucking Achilles, you better recognize."

At least that's the way it plays out in my head. See you next time, on Taytyme!

How, as the Indians say. Guess what? Today Taytyme turns Thirtay! Now I know what you're thinking: "Hey, wait a minute. The archives only go back to January. How do I catch up with 30 years of blogtastic blogogrophy?" Silly disciples! Its not Taytyme the blog that's gotten older than Jesus, its Taytyme the guy!

Yep, Taytyme the guy woke up a little older this morning. He lost all his hair over night and has gone straight impotent. Oh well!

The fog comes on little cat feet. It sits looking over harbor and city on silent haunches and then moves on sometime after noon.

DO NOT drink more than one Yazoo Dos Perros on a week night! And absolutely do not drink three. If you drink three, plan ahead and eat food prior to the partay. And start the partay before 12:30. Sure, you'll accomplish whatever you set out to do that night, but tomorrow won't feel normal until 2:00. Oh, eat food the next day, too. OK, so here's the deal. Drink three Yazoos, but also eat food twice. There, problem solved. See you tonight, Miller Lite!

Before I get dressed, let me stand next to you and show you how to do something on your computer.

Yeah, that's what happened to this guy in the locker room today! He did it to himself, really. What a bunch of freaks! So this dude is in the locker room after a game of Raquetball with his teacher, right? The teacher is in the shower, and when he returns, the kid has his laptop out. He's like, "Hey, how do I do this thing with this program?" And the teacher, in his tight little purple underwears, bends down beside him and starts walking him through it! In his underwears! No shirt, no socks, no nothing. The kid's sitting on the bench, and the old dude in his underwears is standing next to him bending over the keyboard. Jesus Lordy Christmas Pie, I couldn't get out of there fast enough. I mean, come on! Put on your pants, at least!

Its like this one time my friend Cortez was pooping in a bathroom built for one-at-a-time-please and forgot to lock the door. Big mistake, my friends. This fucking white buisiness-type guy opens the door, sees Tez in there, and just saddles on up to the urinal next to the crapper. Now there's no divider, wall, or stall, or anything in there. Its just a urinal and a commode right next to each other on the same wall. Or in this case, a guy sitting down on a toilet next to a guy standing up with his shlong out. Poor Cortez, man! He couldn't just get up and leave, right? He had to just stare straight ahead until the dude zipped up and left (he did not wash his hands).

Thing is, Tez just got screwed. Sure, he fucked up by not locking the door, but its reasonable to assume that if a guy opens a door and sees you on the pot, he'll go, "Oh, sorry," while hastily getting the fuck out of the bathroom. But these guys in the locker room just bewilder me. Am I super sexually repressed and the thought of an older man tutoring me in his underpants is not actually strange, or am I correct in thinking that people should talk to each other with the respect that being clothed brings? Weigh way in on this one, followers. Taytyme needs your help.

Ding Dong!

Ding Dong! Its been too long again, faithful audience. Your humble and handsome host has much of an apology to own up to, but for now let's just get on to bizness. What a week, and by that I mean that I am a hobo. A cute hobo. I am acutely a hobo. A hugely astute hobo. When you are a hobo, you can do anything. You can even do what you want to do! If you want, you can strike out at the Home Run Derby!

Taytyme would like to thank all the wonderful people in his life: to those with whom he makes wondermous music, to those with whom he relaxes in the post-day, and to those who put him up for the nyte whenever he wants to stay where he is, big hugs and a pinch on the bootie.

Also, an XYZ updayte. Friday nyte, Five Spot stage left, $9.00 "Made in Russia" jeans on, zipper way the fuck down, no undies. Oops!

Hello, Readers!

Hi, everybody! Or should I say, "Hy!" Or should eye say it? Jeez Mr. Breeze its been a long tyme! Well, you won't believe it. Taytyme has just about done it all in the past few weeks. He even went to Indiana, U.S.A. He rode trains in Philadelphia, the city of "brotherly love" (gross! Taytyme has a brother named Bradius, but they don't get it on!). Tay even played the drums and had the flu at the saymtyme! Well, sorry to say that's about the extent of the updayte for today. Perhumps somehing yucky will happen tomorrow, or maybe something that's not yucky but funny anyway. If it doos, you'll be the first to know. Know why? Because you read Taytyme, silly. Bye!