taytyme

Sorry, airybody! I'm sure you've been more than a little worried, what with two Mondays having passed and no Taytyme for miles. Let me put your questions to rest: no, no, yes, twenty-two, no, not applicable, spina bifida, channel 8, Ricky VAN Shelton.

So what's been going on? For Taytyme its been about a day's worth of painful constipation followed by a second day of merely uncomfortable constipation. Seriously! "But Tay," you say, "you're the very picture of pooping efficiency!" All I can say is that I'm flattered, but don't believe everything you hear out there. Yeah, I'm pretty regular and pretty proud of it, but its not really that big a deal to me. Check it out: I mainly eat fruits and vegetables, with fish once a week or something. I certainly enjoy the random beef product, but only when shaped like a hotdog. That all being said, here comes a “however.” In an inhuman (remember that show INHUMANOIDS?) effort to take one for Uncle Sam, I ingested nothing but beef, beef, whisky, beer, beef, and a pizza over the course of three days. That shit did me wrong, man. I'm afraid of Professional Laxatives, so I've been sticking to coffee and cigarettes to - as a neighbor put it - "soften it up." David Sedaris said that as a high school-aged gay person he spent like 20 days in Greece without ever pooping (by choice, and I can't say that I blame him). I had a three-day odyssey of the same sort in Boston once, but it was just weird, not uncomfortable. So anyway, that's what's up.