So here’s a story the Mercy Lounge guy told to Chris Crofton and me the other nyte.

This couple walks out of 3rd & Lindsley and the proverbial homeless dude comes up going, "Hey, hey, excuse me!" You know the type (Oooo, what a taytyme word!), all carrying a year-old plastic bag from Dollar General and wondering if you've seen his teef. So he's doing the "hey, excuse me" thing and the lady of the couple says, "I'm in the middle of a sentence here."

She turns back to her date and completes the sentence. The homeless dude, having waited his turn, says, "Look. Now I know you two don't want to fuck with me, so I'll just say it like it is. I smoke crack and I'm just tryin' to get two dollars."

I love this variety of crack-head.

The couple uses body language to communicate that they are not built of charity, and the dude starts getting honest. "Look. . . I'm sorry. I just told you a lie. I really only need a dollar thirteen."

The lady says, "You can't buy crack for a dollar thirteen!"

"Oh yes you can!" he replies as they continue to evacuate the scene. Now the dude gets SERIOUSLY honest. "Okay, I got to admit that I been lying to you again, and I'm sorry about that. The truth is that I already have crack and I'm trying to get something to eat." When the couple is still unmotivated to the cause, he reaches into his bag. As you've no doubt already guessed, the bag is full of dildos. "Please, check it out. I got all these dildos and they go for 60 bucks at the porno store. I'll give 'em to you for two bucks a pop."

The punch-line is that at this point in the story, Chris Crofton said, "Man, I wish I'd been there; I mean, come on. I have a dishwasher."