New Chapter Available Today!

Sorry, dudes. Look. I don't work in an office, so I have a significant disadvantage to real blogfolks. That being said, my shit always turns out better than theirs so who cares if it only shows up every two weeks, right?

Oh my GAWD, did the False Titty Angels make it right! You may remeber what fools they were made by Valient Thorr and Rufus Fontaine earlier this year. I'd link you to that post, but all I know how to do is type words. Anyway, last Sunday the Alley Cat was transformed into the firey pits of hell by the eight-dicked demon that is THE FALLS CITY ANGELS JUBILEE! Those evil bastards sounded like the damn Melvins on speed, I tell you! Holy crap! If they had one more dude playing the same power chord I think they might have birthed a black hole. Durango Sweetmeat's (AKA Alvo Zenith's) cracked ride shook the very sewers of the east side, and the inexorable Dupree Beauxchamp's roto-tomming put Alex Van Halen right in the fucking ground. After the show, a dude went up to the gang's - they are a real gang, dude - leader Ft. Lauderdale Smith, and told him that the Angel's set "made his heart happy." Smith became enraged, proclaiming that it was "supposed to make it hurt, supposed to make it burn when you pee!" Damn. I got the fuck out of there right then, dude.

So here's the challenge. To truly claim the title that is rightly theirs, the Falls City Angels have to show up unannounced to the Springwater on August 12 and kick the shit out of Cokedick Motorcycle Awesome. Not battle-of-the-bands style, riot-style. Trust me, those dudes have it coming.