So on Fryday Taytyme went out for drinks with a lady friend he was trying to get with while her husband was out of town on business. Hey, she's lonely and vulnerable! Anyway, in the bathroom this dude was all, "TAYTYMEWHATUPDOOD."
The guy in the bathroom was the guy who inexplicably gives Tay coffee for cheaper than it's supposed to cost at the coffee shop. Apparently he also likes to buy Tay a shot after we pee together. Hey, you know me: I'll pee with or on anyone for free booze. So the guy goes, "See you later. No, wait. You know Jared Renolds?"
I told him that of course I know Jared. I brag about knowing Jared. He's the second greatest bass player in America, only about a mile and a half behind Keith Lowen.
The coffee guy replied, "Tell me about it. It's Keith's tone that makes the difference. But hey, Jared's got this friend who went to England a few weeks ago, and while he was there he saw a U2 concert."
"Oh."
"Yeah, man. He said that Bono came out on the stage by himself, and he just starts clapping real slow. Like clap...clap...clap, you know? And then after he's been doing it a while he says all serious and slow, 'Every time I clap my hands a child in Africa dies.' Well, right on cue this dude in the crowd yells, 'WELL QUIT BLOODY CLAPPING THEN!'"
I told the guy that this was the best story I had ever heard, and he said, "Yeah, man. I mean, I knew Bono had powers, but shit!"
posted by taytyme @ 12:51 PM
4 Comments:
I hear your powers are stronger than Bono's. I mean, do you really got to wait for the ladies' husbands to go out of town? Aren't the ladies, married or not, lining up to be dougged by you in the bathroom at the Springwater?
You don't get "dougged in the bathroom at the Springwater," you just get "dougged at the Springwater." Redundancy is Taytyme's greatest pet peeve.
So say a bass player was trying to score a "doug" in the upstairs of a lesbian bar (or maybe some other least side establishment... perhaps the "2 Slow Bar") and said bass player didn't follow through because the girl's boyfriend was outside the door or he had a healthy fear of penile swabs. Would you call that a "No 'L' Lowen" or something more obvious like a "Lazy Panda?"
I think you call that "failure," Larry.
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